The milestones they don't publish in books

Anyone who talks to me frequently enough about raising children, will inevitably hear me say "Well I read in (insert the name of any parenting book, magazine, website), blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah." That's right, I religiously read these publications, and in many instances find solace in what they have to say. It is my way of finding out what is and is not normal in the world of offspring, and I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one who has worried that their child may not be developmentally 'up to par'.


Most anywhere, you can find information on when your child should crawl, walk and jump. There are details on when they should say their first words, throw a ball, and even start having tantrums. But, in all my research, I have yet to find anyone who will publish information on the darker, more sinister milestones. You hear rumors of these milestones, but you think 'that doesn't really happen, it is just a scary story'. What are these sinister milestones of which I speak? Let me give you some examples . . .

1. A poop so large, not only is a bath required for clean up, but a thorough clean up of every object within arms length (carpet, pillows, bouncy seat, etc.) -- Coy 2 months, Tate 5 months

2. A toddler with the new ability to speak thoroughly embarrasses you in front of a stranger (like when Tate, 18 months old, told the sales lady at Nordstrom that his dad 'went to go poop in the potty')

3. A child puts something in his mouth that is so thoroughly disgusting that you think twice about kissing him on the lips -- Tate, 12 months, licked the toilet plunger

4. A toddler uses "adult language" in perfect context -- Tate 2 1/2 years (I will spare you the details of what was actually said, but let's just say it was BAD!)

5. A toddler discovers that the perfect medium for fingerpainting the walls is poop -- Tate, 2 weeks ago . . .

I only wonder what I have in store over next few years - first broken bone, first time to steal the car . . . .